What Do You Deserve?
You would not be affected by the other person's attack unless, unconsciously, you thought you deserved it. ACIM
I am learning about projecting (not projecting).
Projecting in the form of throwing back onto another person what I either love or hate.
It's pretty weird because I always believed that when I stand up for myself after someone attacks me it meant that I was setting boundaries. That I was not letting others walk all over me. What I did learn is when I do feel attacked by someone it can be because I believe some part of the attack is real and that I deserved it.
How can that be?
How can I believe that I deserve something like that?
Well, the ego can be a pesky little bugger
The ego believes in comparisons and not-enoughness
When you believe that subconsciously or otherwise that someone either does something that you wish you could have done, have something that you wish you had, you compare yourself to that
If the ego is ever present, we compare and get upset and jealous
If the ego is not, we are happy for that person
So when there is an attack we feel the need to defend why, why aren't we doing what we want to do, ought to be doing and in this situation.
Projecting also involves some sort of victim hood, where you make the other person wrong.
That justifies your action because they are wrong and you were wronged.
A Course in Miracles says The way your ego has led you to see things, no matter which path you take, you wind up as the loser. On the one hand, if you forgive by letting the other person off the hook, you feel like a door mat and trash. But if you don't forgive, your anger just saps your energy and you just surrender, while your guilt stays intact in your mind. With true forgiveness, no one loses. You just look at what your ego is doing without judging yourself.
So, the lesson for me is before I project ask whether it is coming from a space of ego, then proceed accordingly
Chances are if its not, no amount of attack by someone else will make you feel justified in you believing that you deserve any of it.
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