Akosua Dardaine Edwards

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May 24, 2019 / Akosua Dardaine Edwards

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Transformation Can Start Where You Are

Perhaps most of the people who have emerged from a setback stay in their same jobs, with their same lives, but they are different. It’s not about self anymore; it’s about relation, it’s about the giving yourself away. Their joy is in seeing others shine. David Brooks

I was thinking about transformation, what it means and what sparks it. I thought about how much a transformation in my eyes looked like a totally different life, a drastic move and just like clockwork I bumped into the work of David Brooks who makes the case for a transformed life and person can be just a about the transformation of behaviour within the same environment. I see that this point of view makes quite a bit of sense, it is not about changing places where you are but changing the attitude and approach of our responses. It is about what is now important to your life, the approach to challenges and set backs.

Many times, the transformation is about shedding the ego, about giving and serving. This approach can be taken anywhere and at anytime. You can be in the same job, same marriage in many cases with this new approach.

Who Knew?

The Simple is so Profound!

Peace

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What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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May 23, 2019 / Akosua Dardaine Edwards

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Judgement Issues?

In the realm of consciousness, a judgement is a classification. It is a thought that classifies people and things as right or wrong, good or bad, fair or unfair when measured against what we believe. Iyanla

What we believe is right or wrong for us are foundations and pillars of how we live, how we make decisions, how we choose our tribe. Many times what we believe came from a combination of tradition, stories passed down, religion, family, and experience. There are times however that the information we base our life choices on have changed or they no longer serve us. Additionally, we use the information as a basis for our interaction with others. When the other person is different, does something different, acts different, dresses different, speaks different,sometimes we get thrown off. We react sometimes in fear, most times in fear because fear can manifest itself in so many different ways. We believe what they are doing is wrong, or bad or unfair or flip side, good, great and wonderful compared to what we believe

So what if they do not share your beliefs? Are they wrong, bad, good, great or are they just different?

Many times when we respond negatively it is in response to something that triggers us. I have learnt that it is an opportunity to bring the feeling to the forefront and focus on how it can be healed.

What are some of your triggers when judging a situation?

Ask yourself why?

Then analyse whether the beliefs that brought them to the fore still serve you

Peace

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May 23, 2019 / Akosua Dardaine Edwards

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Mind Over Matter

Many of us believe that what happens to us gives rise to the feelings we experience. The truth is, it’s the other way around. Iyanla.

The power of the mind is immense, there are many of a tale about how changing one's mind can change one's life, there is talk about mind over matter, there is also the belief that the thoughts that we think manifests itself into our reality. Our lives reflect back to us what we are thinking on both a conscious and unconscious level.

If you want to see what you are thinking in real time, look at your life, look at the conditions of your life and be courageous enough to be vulnerable, courageous, and grateful that we have the opportunity to get the necessary information to support your growth, your development and your highest self. Isn't that what life is all about?

Practice paying attention to your thoughts, practice noticing when it is running in a direction that is negative all the time, practice knowing that you can use this powerful tool in tandem with your heart to manifest something different in your life.

Let me know how that goes!

Peace

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May 21, 2019 / Akosua Dardaine Edwards

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Simple Like That

The ego, a necessary construction, can also become a burden. In its unrelenting focus on power, achievement and sensual gratification, it breeds a culture, both inner and outer, of oppression, insecurity, addiction and loneliness. Enough is never enough. There is always someone richer, more accomplished and more successful than you are. Spiritual traditions across the world have offered counsel. The happiness that comes from accumulation is fleeting, they remind us. There is another kind of happiness, let’s call it joy, that comes from helping others. David Brooks

How do I know when I need to put my ego in check? How do I know when my ego is running amok? I start defending everything people ask me, I disappear, I hide, I want to prove my point. I beat myself up and make excuses.

The ego has to be put in check sometimes, because if not, it thrives on comparison, separation, conflict and guilt.

When I find myself going down that road I know that I'm tripping!

I have learnt to take a step back. Make no moves or decisions and return - We call it the " I shall return and I must come back" move.

Simple like that

Peace

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Stay in Your Lane

May 20, 2019 / Akosua Dardaine Edwards

Some of our biggest disappointments in life are the result of expectations we have of others that they can’t ever possibly meet. Soledad Francis

Iyanla says it the best, it is actually unloving to both you and the other person to expect them to do the things they have either demonstrated that they cannot do or are unwilling to do by their actions.

We live in hope that if we continue to coerce, prove ourselves, ask nicely, motivate and inspire others that they will somehow come around to doing that particular thing that we have been asking and begging them to do or not do for ages.

When they don't we get really frustrated and annoyed, sometimes bitter!

Do your thing, stay in your lane, climb your ladder and most importantly make a choice that you cannot make people do anything you want them to do if they don't want to do it. Focus on you, because....choices

Real talk!

Peace

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May 18, 2019 / Akosua Dardaine Edwards

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Does Attitude Matter?

An inflated consciousness is always egocentric and conscious of nothing but its own existence. It is incapable of learning from the past, incapable of understanding contemporary events, and incapable of drawing right conclusions about the future. It is hypnotized by itself and therefore cannot be argued with. It inevitably dooms itself to calamities that must strike it dead. Carl Jung

How much of a role does attitude play in our daily living with others? I have seen so many quotes and sayings about how far a pleasant attitude can take you. I have seen those saying that a positive attitude can alter your altitude and many others which subscribe to the view that one's attitude plays an important part on the journey.

I am experiencing a situation right now where someone continuously displays an attitude of divisiveness, non - inclusion, bullying and unkindness. What baffles me is that this attitude seems to be rewarded in the name of "getting the job done"

The willingness to tolerate bad behaviour as a means to an end is prevalent especially at a management or Government level. It is almost to say we will do whatever it takes at the expense of anything to get to the end game which is usually money.

Think of how much more work would get done and more benefits would ensue if there was an environment where positive attitudes were welcomed and encouraged.

I started asking myself, what are the lessons in this scenario?

What are the lessons in dealing with a situation where someone's poor attitude is tolerated for the sake of getting the job done?

Lessons:

1. Set Boundaries for yourself - boundaries are the situations you are sure that will not be tolerated

2. Be Prepared to Act - if your boundaries are crossed be prepared to act

3. Do not take it personal - many times people display on the outside what they are feeling on the inside

4. Re-evaluate your why - why are you there?

5. Not every situation demands a response from you - learn to leave some of the nonsense alone

6. Be Kind - kindness costs you nothing.

Please feel free to add your lessons to the list, I am curious to learn and share lessons on the Journey

Peace

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May 17, 2019 / Akosua Dardaine Edwards

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No Heat No Judgement

When we think we are unworthy, it means that, for some reason, we believe that we have to prove we have a right to our space on the planet, in life, as we are,".

"That means that we will do all manna of wonderfulness to prove we deserve to be here."

In that effort, we tend to go overboard in our everyday interactions.

"We over commit, over-give, we over-do, we over-excuse, we overcompensate, and we stay in difficult, desperate, hurtful, harmful situations much longer than it is wise or productive to do so,"

it's impossible to improve your self-worth without first recognizing your true value and seeing yourself as worthy - Iyanla

The moment I find myself defending a position, wanting to prove that my way is the right and best way I have to check myself. I am drifting into a realm of feeling either less than or better than. It may not come across that way. Real talk!

The need to get someone to agree with everything we say and believe is not just unrealistic, it is a testament of you not respecting differences of opinion and stepping out of your own business.

Yesterday my very good friend had a very passionate discussion about the role of men and women in the home, particular when married. Her view is that the man is the head of the home and makes the final decision. My view was different, I believe in mutual decision making.

I asked about if the final decision made is not in your best interest will it still be accepted. Her response was yes sometimes. That response bothered me, I started pleading my case, getting passionate and heated. I wanted her to see that those little decisions add up and then pierce your soul. It started turning too heated. I stopped. I literally stopped and thought, this is not your journey, even though you believe differently all you can do it live your life as a demonstration of what you believe and leave the rest there.

I have learnt to:

1. Respect other people's point of view even if it is different

2. There is nothing to prove to anyone

3. Live and speak authentically

Peace

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May 16, 2019 / Akosua Dardaine Edwards

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Are You Ready to Get Out of Your Way?

It was really about rising to the opportunity that had been given to me and making sure I didn’t sabotage it with the fear that I felt stepping out into this big bad world. Lupita Nyongo

I am a strong believer in the Laws of the Universe, some people argue with me about those beliefs. They want to know why I place more emphasis on the Laws of the Universe than the Bible. I can safely say that it really is a case of me identifying with what moves my soul. I love many of the stories given in the Bible, they are brilliant lessons, my challenge is the misinterpretation by many who use the Bible as I term it a weapon to keep others in fear, guilt and bondage. Anyhoos, I digress!

The point I was actually going to make is about getting out of our own way. It is simply not only visualising the outcome of what you desire. It is putting in the "work" required to make it a reality. This comes from the tenets of the Law of Inspired Action. Part of taking inspired action is getting out of our own way, overcoming our own inner critic, letting go of toxic relationships, facing the guilt and fear, focusing on our own self care, not taking the easy way out. Making a decision to stay in a relationship because of how it looks on the outside and what material or other benefits that we receive because of them is also part of getting out of our own way. Many of our challenges stem from our own versions and perceptions of how others perceive what we are doing or not doing.

I have learnt to start from within, the doubts will always be there, the questions will always be there, the naysayers will always be there. What will also always be there is you and your inner guidance.

How are you using your inner guidance? I call it your GPS.

Are you ready to get out of your own way?

Peace

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May 15, 2019 / Akosua Dardaine Edwards

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Go Inward

"if you're wondering why things aren't clicking, or why things aren't happening in the ways you want or wish, now would be a good time to ask, "what am i holding onto in spirit that no longer serves me, that is keeping the good away?" Joel Leon

There are so many new experiences that I have been happening in my life over the past few weeks. I know and I have heard that the only thing one can guarantee in life is change. I must say though it works so much easier when I either read that or tell it to someone else! Experiencing change is still a very tough lesson for me especially when the change is not something that I am comfortable with and don't know the actual outcome.

Change I have learnt is never convenient, and new experiences come to show us how much we have grown or how much growing we still have to do.

When the new experiences come, and I feel uncomfortable, I resist them. Resistance looks like me showing up late, me complaining bitterly to anyone and everyone that would listen, passive resistance, not being fully present, hiding. I have a toolbox of resistance! That resistance comes from the fear of the unknown and the inconvenience of living a different life.

So, I have learnt to notice the resistance, to welcome it in, have a chat with myself assuring myself that this too shall pass, that the experiences are here for you, to learn, to stretch, to grow, to see. If I remain willing, what comes out on the other side of the experience is always useful either for me or for the work that I am involved in. Be pissed off, that is okay, just don't be pissed off and resistant too long so that you miss the lesson.

Peace

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May 13, 2019 / Akosua Dardaine Edwards

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Ego Check

Now for the Ego Check. How do you know when you are being ruled by the negative ego? It’s simple. When you perceive life as a process of you against them or, believe they are out to get you; when your needs are more important than theirs or, when their needs are more important than yours, you are under the spell of the ego. Iyanla Vanzant

This morning I was listening to a podcast on the Ego. I've had this love-hate relationship with the ego. I thought the ego was bad, that it would overtake my life and turn me into a monster- ok ok I know, I am being dramatic!

The penny dropped this morning, the ego is a part of me, and as with everything that is a part of me, acceptance is essential for moving on and making decisions. The challenge with the ego is how I use and perceive it.

There is the positive ego and the negative ego.

As I was sitting there listening I reflected on last Friday where I truly lost my cool because I did not agree at all with what was being said on a panel that I sat on to discuss women's issues. I realised there and then that people are entitled to their differences of opinion, how I react is my responsibility. Differences can teach us respect, it can teach us tolerance and it shows us that we live in a diverse world

My ego told me that my view was right! I wanted to prove to everyone there that I was indeed right. Everyone else was wrong- talk about the Ego trip!

The ego operates in our mind and can take over how we perceive the world, it is important to do an ego check ever so often to remind us that we have power over our thoughts and responses despite what is going on around us, that our judgements are not reflective of the entire story and most times people are doing the best that they can

We can disagree without being disrespectful

We can live our lives and think thoughts that will not diminish our own self value

Instead of using the inner critic to assist in making decisions, use our divine selves

It takes practice, it takes courage, it takes willingness

Peace

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May 11, 2019 / Akosua Dardaine Edwards

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You Determine Your Value

In this right here moment, I accept and BELIEVE that there is nothing I lack - NO thing I need added unto me to make me complete - and NO thing that is wrong, bad, rotten, unloved, and amiss about me. God made me and She does NOT make mistakes. I am perfect! Peter Ripley

You determine what you allow to continue in your life.

You always have a choice for how high you set your bar.

So, take responsibility for your own life & determine what you allow.

Your value (of yourself) is literally all that matters. It's the one thing that no one gets to decide for you, ever.

Not ever. No matter how they talk to you. No matter how they pay you. No matter what they think of you. No matter if you’re hired. No matter if you’re fired. If you’re dumped or have a line of suitors. Whether the trolls think you’re ugly & dumb. Or the woman in KFC spoke to you with an attitude. If they think you’re writing is shitty. Or if they all left you out of the big plans. If he thinks you’re too much. If your family is shunning you for forgetting where you came from. If you got the 17th rejection letter.

So when you do decide your value is higher than Mt Everest (because it is)...It will change everything. You’ll feel so empowered to have all the conversations you need to have. You won’t second-guess asking for more money or flexibility. You won’t think twice about telling him that his lack of communication isn’t good enough for you no matter how much you like him. You won’t wince at speaking your opinion. You’ll be OK with people knowing you’re concerned. Asking for different terms. Or telling someone what you need. Because you value you. You know what you need. You honor what your heart is asking for. When you've determined what's good enough for you, settling won’t be on the table. Ever.

Peace

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May 09, 2019 / Akosua Dardaine Edwards

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Your Choice is Your Power

The world’s greatest lie is that you lose control of your life, that you have to obey some rules that are not your rules Paul Coelho

Your choice is power!

Every choice has a consequence whether it is a conscious or an unconscious choice!

Choice!

Listen, brutally honest! Stop holding other people accountable for the choices that YOU make! It’s your choice! Hold yourself accountable and then if it is not what you want or leading you to your highest good, hey, make another choice!

All change is not growth and all growth is not transformation beware of just wanting things to be different it may not mean that you are growing.

Some of us have the same experience a thousand times ,it isn’t growth until you have learnt a little bit of something, its not growth until there is actual progress.

When something truly transforms you don’t recognise it for what its used to be, when something has growth you can see and tell the difference.

We have to make a choice, whether you want to grow or transform.

When the transformation comes you are not telling the same story anymore, that story is now inappropriate for where you are right now to tell in the same old way

When you transform the old stuff is not what your life revolves around anymore, there’s a revolution, a shift in the centre.

What is your life revolving around?

What are you choosing?

Peace

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May 08, 2019 / Akosua Dardaine Edwards

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tags / choices, what did I learn today?, sharing lessons on the journey

What Do You Deserve?

You would not be affected by the other person's attack unless, unconsciously, you thought you deserved it. ACIM

I am learning about projecting (not projecting).

Projecting in the form of throwing back onto another person what I either love or hate.

It's pretty weird because I always believed that when I stand up for myself after someone attacks me it meant that I was setting boundaries. That I was not letting others walk all over me. What I did learn is when I do feel attacked by someone it can be because I believe some part of the attack is real and that I deserved it.

How can that be?

How can I believe that I deserve something like that?

Well, the ego can be a pesky little bugger

The ego believes in comparisons and not-enoughness

When you believe that subconsciously or otherwise that someone either does something that you wish you could have done, have something that you wish you had, you compare yourself to that

If the ego is ever present, we compare and get upset and jealous

If the ego is not, we are happy for that person

So when there is an attack we feel the need to defend why, why aren't we doing what we want to do, ought to be doing and in this situation.

Projecting also involves some sort of victim hood, where you make the other person wrong.

That justifies your action because they are wrong and you were wronged.

A Course in Miracles says The way your ego has led you to see things, no matter which path you take, you wind up as the loser. On the one hand, if you forgive by letting the other person off the hook, you feel like a door mat and trash. But if you don't forgive, your anger just saps your energy and you just surrender, while your guilt stays intact in your mind. With true forgiveness, no one loses. You just look at what your ego is doing without judging yourself.

So, the lesson for me is before I project ask whether it is coming from a space of ego, then proceed accordingly

Chances are if its not, no amount of attack by someone else will make you feel justified in you believing that you deserve any of it.

Peace

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May 06, 2019 / Akosua Dardaine Edwards

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Self Love is the Start of Everything

"unconditional love does not mean allowing people to mistreat you over and over and still holding them down. unconditional love means “i accept the truth of who you are and accept you as you are, as long as that doesn’t infringe on my self love.” Wavy

Self love is the start of everything!

Without the foundation of self love, unconditional love to others will be non-existent.

Self love goes beyond the external, it is a deeply internal process where we accept who we are - all the vulnerabilities, the things you believe are not good or perfect about you. Accepting does not mean you like it, it means that you see it for exactly what it is rather than looking at everything as you believe it ought to be. Once you accept, then you can make decisions from a place of truth. Sometimes making no decision is also a decision. We get anxious about facing the truth believing that we must make decisions immediately.

Self Love involves forgiving ourselves, for all the thoughts, ideas and actions we have used to beat ourselves up. When we beat ourselves up, it then becomes even harder to forgive others.

Self Love involves questioning core beliefs and looking at the ones that no longer serve your highest self. A core belief is a ritual or way of life that you were told, given or inherited from your home, school, religion or culture.

Self Love includes setting boundaries - having a strong No and a strong Yes,and letting others know what you are willing to tolerate. Consequences for actions must be worked into your boundaries- both for you and others.

It is a journey, the foundations however must be put in place or nothing you build will be secure, not your job, your relationships, your health, your life in general

Make a commitment to start the journey to unconditional self love, see what it throws up, I guarantee you that it will not be boring.

Peace

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May 04, 2019 / Akosua Dardaine Edwards

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Top 5 Lessons This Week

When you trust yourself, you trust others. Your connections deepen.
When you trust yourself, you're more productive, and the work is created with ease.
When you trust yourself, you're more confident. You're not comparing yourself to others or second-guessing what you're doing.
When you trust yourself, you can surrender more. You can relax and feel the ease you've been craving. Kate Courageous

Good day lovies

I missed you, the week ran I had the opportunity to be a part of a wonderful group of people from different countries throughout the Caribbean. The days began early and went on long. Yesterday was the last day of the workshop piloting two tools for community businesses one called the Green/Blue Radar and the Value Chain Analysis for Climate Smart Solutions.

Despite it being a workshop for community businesses, I had some profound lessons:

1. Expect the Unexpected - this is my biggest expectation because I cannot predict anything, I have zero control over every single thing. When the unexpected shows up I say, I was expecting you! Let me handle this

2. Let Go Of The Need to Be In Control - Let the shoulds go, let the "this is the way it should be" go. Let go of the ego.

3.Set Boundaries - Boundaries determine what you allow in your life and what you don't.

4. Show up and do your best in the moment - sometimes you may be feeling like crap and have to execute, show up do your best and leave the guilt out.

5.Unlearning is just as important as Learning - sometimes the AHA moment comes in the Unlearning.

Peace

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What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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