Akosua Dardaine Edwards

Let's Share Lessons on The Journey

Akosua Dardaine Edwards - author, writer, coach, gender specialist, speaker

 

Day 2 - Book Tour Nyabo Why Are You Here in Barbados?

Brother, the war against yourself is almost over. The journey's end is at the place of peace - A Course of Miracles

I decided to leave the hotel that I was staying in, I thought about it for a couple of nights.

Was I being dramatic?

Was I being spoilt?

Was it a wise idea to blow the budget?

Was I acting irrationally?

Do I have the funds to cover it?

Then after all those questions that toom some time to answer I said "self, what do you want to do? How do you want to feel?

 I wanted to stay in a comfortable place, and I wanted to feel comfortable and feel good

And that was it! I made some calls, I told the hotel that I was leaving I was not happy about the place

Well what do you know? They apologized and waived all the fees for the two nights of my stay! I said thank you and bust the hell of out dodge.

I am now at my new hotel and let me tell you, a thousand percent better

Give thanks


Have you read any of Akosua's work?

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?

Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal

Follow Akosua on

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Instagram

Facebook

In This Place I Serve

Yes, you are expected to help people when you are able.

Yes, you should share resources, exchange information, support those who need support.

But when will you let go and allow people to figure it out for themselves?

If you keep doing for people what they must learn to do for themselves, they will never learn to do it

This does not honor people.

It does not honor you - One Day My Soul

How do we know when it is time to step away from a situation?

How do we know when to support from close or from afar?

How do we know when we are enabling a situation?

I have learnt we know how to navigate the situation when we have clear boundaries and accept that when or if these boundaries are crossed we can have a conversation about the consequences.

I have learnt that wanting to control everything puts us in a situation of focusing on others rather than focusing on ourselves. You see, to focus on ourselves involves courage and maybe facing some home truths that we prefer to ignore

People have their own journeys, as much as we want what's best for them, sometimes that "best" is mixed up with our own judgement and guilt and failed dreams. Sometimes that "best" is what we think is best for them without taking into consideration their own desires.

We cannot live in other people's lives, then who will live in our's?

We cannot dream other people's dream- who will dream our's

We cannot fix anyone!

We can still say no and give love and support

Life can go on if other people's choices don't mesh with our own

Peace


The Why Are You in Barbados Tour Kicks off tomorrow

Come share lessons on the Journey


Have you read any of Akosua's work?

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?

Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal


Follow Akosua on

Twitter

Instagram

Facebook


Take a Full Breath Before You Act..

Here’s a money-saving tip that also happens to be a radical counter-cultural act of defiance:

Before you buy the promising under eye concealer, or the jeans (that are just like three other pairs of jeans you got, because they were going to change your life by attracting the perfect life partner), or before you sign the car lease because you’ve been picturing that moment you drive up to your family reunion, and as the glint of the chrome catches your cousins eye, they’ll finally know that you’ve been way smarter than all of them all along), before you pull out the credit card, take a full breath in and out and say to yourself, to YOU:

I love you.

And then see if you still have to have it Danielle La Porte


It all comes from inside! It cannot all be external, my granma says when a pig is dressed up with mud, it remains a pig

Wayne Dyer also says, when we are sqeezed we get to see what comes out. So if we squeeze an orange, what comes out is orange juice!

So, what happens when you get upset or how do you respond or react when under severe pressure. what does the pressure cooker produce when you are placed in it?


I used to go immediately into fix it mode, withdraw emotionally and move directly into "fixing" it

As if I can fix any darn thing right?

Sometimes the fixing looks like manipulating the situation to ensure that I have my own way, sometimes it would look like talking about how I wronged!

I'm getting better at the rush to "fixing" it, I have been taking the time to go inward, so when I am squeezed and pressured its not all guuk that comes out. Its been a process, I am totally open to filling my inside with yumminess.

That has been happening with patience, meditation acceptance and time!

There is nothing outside of you that can fill you up inside with anything sustainable to move you forward on the journey

All of the external things are aids, they are adornments, they are transient. They will not last

a handbag bought when feeling down or angry serves its purpose- temporarily- it will not fill you up with substance and fuel for the journey

Food - same thing, it will feel good for a while- as it ought to

Take the time to look inside, to pause, to reflect, to take a walk before moving ahead with any urge to fix, control, get mad vex, and to judge

See what happens

Peace


Have you read any of Akosua's work?

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?

Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal

Follow Akosua on

Twitter

Instagram

Facebook


Order and Divine Timing

Order means accepting the concept of divine timing even when it conflicts wih your schedule, this requires patience, surrender and trust - Iyanla Vanzant


The concept of Divine Timing took me some time to embrace and accept. I learnt about deadlines, being assertive, going after what I want, making things happen. Not doing any or all of these things I was told that it reflects laziness, sloth and complacency. I was judged by the amount of things that I got done, the faster the better.

Divine timing, I have learnt, is about order,order is the first law of the Universe.

For everything there is a reason and a season.

Divine timing has come to mean that everything happens in the right timing that is required for the lessons and growth and courage!

Order is about understanding that there are some things that cannot happen on our schedule as much as we will it, want it, demand it or force it.

Order and divine timing go hand in hand.

The old adage of "nothing happens before its time" is very much alive and true.


I loved having things done as soon as I wanted it done, I love seeing quick results but I have learnt that divine timing is bigger than I am, it will happen once it is supposed to once I have put in the work, the faith, the self belief, the patience. They all go hand in hand

We cannot rush the sunrise

We cannot rush the moon coming up

Winter, spring summer arrives when it arrives despite how we rush it in our minds

It takes months to birth a baby

And why do we think anything else will not happen in its divine timing and in order?

Peace

Rest is Part of the Journey

We were rewarded for being willing to do more than our share

We were encouraged to stay busy.

As a result, we learned to inflict ourselves with self-imposed duties that ultimately lead to mental, physical and spiritual exhaustion - One Day My Soul Just Opened Up


Growing up, my mother would wake me up extremely early on a Saturday morning, I would be angry because I did not have school. I wanted the opportunity to sleep late, to laze around and get some rest after a packed week.


" No one in this house must be asleep after the sun has risen" was the standard response from her


"Huh?? why??" was my standard response to that response


The conversation never got any further, it was, do as I say or probably die!


Then I heard my grandma say the exact thing

"No one in this house must be asleep after the sun has risen"

Oh, it was adding up, it seemed to have been passed down from her generation.


I would have to wake up and do chores until after lunch... Every Saturday

Waking up late on a Saturday meant being lazy and trifling!

We should always be busy doing something - to do nothing proves laziness and slackness

The goal was to always be occupied

My argument was - when will there be rest

Rest is part of the journey

As soon as I started living on my own, sleeping late one day a week became a ritual, I still don't think that it makes me lazy and trifling.

I have seen as they have both grown older this type of thinking for my mum is now  less than before, she has managed to buy into the idea that pausing, resting and recharging is essential but more importantly, that it is not being lazy if you are not busy doing something

We have been conditioned to prove ourselves by the amount of things we do and tasks we have so much so that it leads to burnout and resentment.

Take time to rest, you wont be a lazy bugger if you do

You will be a rested and recharged soul.

Peace

Strength Looks Like....

Strength also looks like • letting go of what no longer serves you • breaking to rebuild—better • transcending negativity • vibrating higher daily • transparency • alone self-care time • positive intentions • smiling and inner-joy • trusting the process - Lalah Delia


There is a debate about what a strong woman looks like. I love Lalah's definition and would like to now add my own


Strong also looks like

showing up

  • letting go

  • not taking things personal

  • setting boundaries

  • enforcing boundaries

  • having solitide

  • being disciplined

  • having fun despite..


Send me some of your perception of what strong is

Peace


Have you read any of Akosua's work?

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?

Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal

Follow Akosua on

Twitter

Instagram

Facebook

Reflection is Different to Overthinking

We don't always need to jump into what to do and how to feel differently. Sometimes the best solution isn't a solution at all – it's a reflection. It's a investigation into what's actually going on Maxie McCoy


Taking time to reflect has helped me in making decisions, in responding rather than reacting

Reflecting I have learnt is way way way different to overthinking. Reflection involves being open, honest, courageous and asking tough questions.It involves taking responsibility.

Over thinking include making up stories and scenarios, playing them out as if they are real and laced with fear and blame.


In reflection, the questions that you ask yourself are key. Is it a story? Is it true? What is my role and responsibility in this? Am I missing something?


Reflection involves taking some time before a firm decision is made. Fools rush in they say! and that meant for me, foolish actions happen when there is little or no reflection involved

I usually had the tendency to "solve problems right away", it must happen in the moment. there must be no delay! many times that exacerbated the issues because there I never stopped to ask myself pertinent questions

to really look at it from a less cloudy perspective

Confessions on the Journey - I wanted it dealt with right away because I used to fall into the valley of overthinking - so handling it right away caused less anxiety.

I have learnt to  Sit with the feeling - this too shall pass


Peace


Have you read any of Akosua's work?

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?

Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal


Follow Akosua on

Twitter

Instagram

Facebook



Trust and Initmacy Must Be Earned

Something I have learned in life is that people who have no boundaries are constantly furious. Furious, victimized, hurt, offended, and outraged. If you cannot figure out how to uphold the healthy, accurate, and appropriate distance between yourself and every person in your life (and it will be a different distance for every person in your life) then you will never know a moment of serenity. 

Not everybody gets to have full access to you. 

Trust and intimacy must be earned. (People will help you with this project by constantly showing you who they really are. Create your boundaries accordingly.) 

To do anything else is naive and immature. So: Who are you furious at today? Now look closely at your history with them. Find the moment when you allowed that person to come closer to you than they had earned the right to come.

Now figure out how to reestablish (or establish for the first time) a wiser boundary. 

When they are held the correct distance from you, you will stop hating them. 

Until then, you are just using this person as a weapon to beat yourself up with. 

Put an end to it. 

Stand in your dignity and set your own terms. 

You can do this. Onward - Elizabeth Gilbert

One of my biggest lessons is setting and keeping boundaries, I reckon it plays out when I fall back into the people pleasing affliction that I once had. 

I give everyone an opportunity to be themselves. The trick in this discernment, setting boundaries and following your intuition.

There is something that I have learnt- we can love others from a far, and not everyone must have a front row seat in our lives!


I have been replaying a scenario in my head about someone who I believed was a friend asked me to stay completely away from them because they feel uncomfortable in my prescence!

That shit hurt like a ton of bricks! 

I have learnt that acceptance means honoring others and their own boundaries.

I have also learnt that the Universe makes no mistakes and speaks to us through others

If I am completely honest with myself I would safely say that the best option is really to have some distance given the history of this relationship. 

The messages that we get when we ignore, deny and don't pay attention is hella hard!

Peace


Have you read any of Akosua's work?

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?

Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal


Follow Akosua on

Twitter

Instagram

Facebook



Live From The Possibility

The four pillars of Authentic Power: Commitment, Courage, Compassion, and Conscious Communications and Actions Gary Zukav

You must get the capacity to see beyond where you are

We live  in a very mechanistic society that puts us in a fix it mode so we start with the problem, we focus on it then we try to figure out how we can change the problem so all of our attention goes to the problem.

You want to get  somewhere?

You can’t have all your attention on the problem

You want to get somewhere? You got to have your attention to where you want to go

You can ask the question “How can I stop doubting myself? How can I start my dream/book/business

But if all your attention is on the fact that you doubt or are still broke you are not going to go anywhere

Something in you must focus on how can I get through this day doing something else?

How can I be healthy?

How can I be stronger?

Look at the problems alone and be stuck in more of it

How are we going to get out of the mess?

No! Something somewhere in you has to look at the possibility

Where is the talk of possibility?

Where  is the vision of better, can we live in enoughness, we cant get to enoughness iif your dialougue is an not enoughness

We have to live from the vision of it


Peace

Don't Lie to Yourself

Lying to yourself and other people about what you need,want,like or do is akin to having a bacterial fungus. It spreads quickly into other areas of your life and pollutes your being - One Day My Soul Just Opened Up

The truth will set you free, that is a fact! The truth you tell yourself, more than anything else, more than telling others. What you tell yourself, you become.

You don't have to tell me what is going on in your life, I can see it.

You don't have to tell me if you are eating healthy, I can see it, and I don't mean only in your weight, it can be shown in the glow of your skin, in your health and so on

You don't have to tell me that you are happy - it shows on how you treat people, how you treat yourself, how you speak to people, your relationships with your family, co-workers, your community.

You don't have to tell me if you are stressed - it shows

Life is always giving us clues and guides

When we lie to ourselves, the result does not change.

The truth will set you free.

Tell yourself the truth

And then move from there

Forget what will happen

Pass through the discomfort because on the other side of that is freedom

Peace

 

Have you read any of Akosua's work?

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?

Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal

 

Follow Akosua on

Twitter

Instagram

Facebook

 

Letting Go

Let Go Or Be Dragged

How do you decide when it is time to let go, in fact, how do you feel about letting go?

There are some people who think that letting go is the same as giving up.

There are some who partner letting go with weakness.

Not too long ago I truly believed that letting go was giving up, I was of the view that I had to turn stone to blood and if required, literally die before I would even contemplate letting go.

 

Thank heavens for good sense, lessons and time!

I have learnt that letting go never equates to being unsuccessful.

I have learnt that letting go is a decision made when one has done all that is humanly possible with the unwavering belief that whatever happens it will be okay!

I have learnt that letting go builds courage, it builds self belief.

I have learnt that control freaks cannot let go, they want to know the outcome- Newsflash, we never know the eact outcome. How many times was an outcome exactly exactly exactly how you imagined? Let me know please!

I have learnt that letting go opens a space for more to arrive.

 

I wanted to be an accountant more than anything,  I dreamt about it since I was a teenager, I worked hard at realising that dream, studied more than one type of accounting qualification to cover all bases and here I am now today on a different path. I held on to the belief that I would be a Finance Director for a very long time and that holding on kept me from a life where I am at peace despite the uncertainty of income, gigs, and stability.

I have learnt that realising that dream of being an accountant took discipline, courage, a strong work ethic and self belief. This is what I gained on that journey which I have kept with me and can use on all others. Nothing was wasted in my realising that dream. At some point I had to let go because once the dream was realised the reality reflected to me that another path had to be chosen.

But I know now that I will be alright, that all needs are  always met and that the Universe is using me so much more that I would be have been used had I gone down that path of remaining an accountant. I am grateful that I had the courage to trust in letting go.

I believe in letting go in such a huge way there is a chapter in the first book What Did I Learn Today? called Journey to Letting Go!

I have applied the theory of letting go to small things, the stuff works y'all!

If  I want a particular gig - I do all the work and let it go- that means I have an unwavering faith that I do not have to control and man handle the process, stressing people out in between! I know in my knower that whatever happens I will be okay, I will learn something

Letting go aids in a peace of mind that passes all understanding

Peace

 

Have you read any of Akosua's work?

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?

Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal

Follow Akosua on

Twitter

Instagram

Facebook

Be Willing...

Willingness does not make your life easier. What it will do,however, is make it easier for you to move through every experience that you my confront in life. You may grow in mental agility, spititual fortitude and divine stamina - One Day My Soul Just Opened Up

 

I have been practising being willing. I have been doing the willingness thing! Yes y'all. I have been slaying the resistance!

It works a treat! Let me tell you. I learn, I scream, I laugh, I move on.

When the resistance comes up, I start the self talk - "Ok, you don't have to do anything right now boo, all you have to do at this moment is be willing." I repeat the mantra and watch how the resistance starts to fade and I am now more open to doing a new thing, to setting boundaries, to showing up, to stop people pleasing and acting in fear. Just from the position of being willing!

I have learnt that willingness, trust and courage go hand in hand. I cannot be willing without trusting that things will work out as they ought to. I cannot be willing without having the courage to do something new or different, I cannot be willing and be stuck in the old familiar routine

Be willing to be wring

Be willing to be right

Be willing to move

Be willing to stay

Be willing to speak

Be willing to be still

 

When you are willing, your entire world shifts

 

Peace

Have you read any of Akosua's work?

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?

Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal

 

Follow Akosua on

Twitter

Instagram

Facebook

Celebration Ignites Joy

We gonna celebrate and have a good time.

It's time to come together

It's up to you, what's your pleasure. Kool and the Gang

Do you wait until a specific moment to celebrate? 

Do you wait until something happens to treat yourself?

Do you even celebrate or treat yourself?

Celebration is an essential part of the Journey

It reignites joy

It reignites happiness

Without joy and happiness on the Journey, trust me, it will be difficult

There is absolutely no reason to have any guilt, remorse, feeling bad about celebrating your own fine self, to celebrate your achievements no matter how large or small!

Waiting on doing something special for what? as the song says "turn down for what?"

 

You get to choose how you celebrate, it may look different to others

It may be a bubble bath, it may be a bubble party! It really is your choice.

 

Celebration is part of your soul self care.

 

How are you celebrating receiving this gift of life?

 

Peace

 

 

Have you read any of Akosua's work?

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?

Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal

Follow Akosua on

Twitter

Instagram

Facebook

Let Us Continue The Work

We Are Our Ancestors Wildest Dreams

A friend of mine yesterday was talking about a funeral that she just attended for someone who was 105 years old. She mentioned that she believes that she has so much more to do and wants to get going in doing it after attending and hearing about this person's journey.

That statement made me think. The ones that came before us who paved the path had an unwavering belief that things were going to get better, that their children and grand children would not have to live through any of the horrors and tribulations that they suffered. This unwavering belief has manifested in many ways. I thought about here we are now moaning and complaining about trivial things forgetting the journey that went before us

We moan and cry if there is no air conditioning in a building, or if someone who we know is not a good fit for us leaves us, we cry and moan because we cannot get a handbag or show, or some other material thing we look towards to validate us.

I am not saying that the ones that came before us were perfect, by all means they had their own personal issues and struggles. Let us not be the generation that dropped the ball! We cannot let all their sacrifices go in vain, we absolutely cannot let them down!

Let us make a difference in our own lives, in the lives of others, let us rise up and do the work, stop being lazy and forget our magnificence and our divinity.

Let us continue the work!

Please!

Peace

Have you read any of Akosua's work?

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?

Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal

 

Follow Akosua on

Twitter

Instagram

Facebook

 

What You Need Is In You

What You Need is In You - Iyanla Vanzant

This weekend we celebrated one of the young ladies of the NiNa Programme, she completed and passed her exams against all odds. We took her to lunch with a friend of her choice.

Not many of the ladies at the home study traditional subjects, quite a few of them go on to do the trades on offer such as, sewing, hairdressing, geriatric nursing to name a few. They don't seem to have the mental capacity to study full time based on early assessments of them entering the home.

Someone told me maybe they neded extra lessons in order to pass their exams, I thought about it - how many of us can focus when the world around us seems to be crashing, when we feel abandoned, or stuck?

Even as an adult, when minor stuff happens in my life I get an urge to fly away, shut myself off and hibernate, to find an escape route either through food or some other mind numbing activity.Far less for a teenager who has family "on the outside" but lives in a place with over 50 other young women, what would be their escape?

We wanted to acknowlege her this weekend, to say well done to her, to recognise her mental strength in choosing to want more for herself despite what had happened to her. Sometimes it is the little things that turn into big things.

We came, we ate, we laughed, if only for one day

Peace

Have you read any of Akosua's work?

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?

Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal

Follow Akosua on

Twitter

Instagram

Facebook

Your story is inspiring, your delivery is real
— Barbara Ince, President - Maloney Women's Group
The students who attended the function were so inspired by you they want all their friends to be exposed to your story.
— Cherisse Rawlins - Teacher Moruga Secondary
I must thank you for your presentation, many people were blown away by it.
— Sharon Christopher, Dep CEO First Citizens Bank Limited
It was a pleasure hosting you. Your reading from Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here? - was both thought provoking and insightful, thank you.
— Consulate General of the Republic of Trinidad and Tobago - New York
You are an inspiration to us all
— Marlene Charles, YWCA President
I can’t stop telling people about your presentation. You changed my life forever!
— Michele Celestine, Executive Director Heroes Foundation
What an honour and priveledge it was for me and my wife to host you during your stay in Washington DC
— Anthony WJ Phillips-Spencer, Ambassador Extraordinary Embassy of the Republic of Trinidad and Tobago
Unveiling was exactly what I needed, thank you.
— Participant at 2017's Unveiling- Looking into the Mirror of Self
Akosua, congratulations and thank you for that fabulous and thoughtful sharing from your book. I did NOTHING for the weekend but read your books. Madam, I found your story telling light and entertaining, true Trini style but DEEP.
— Sandra Ferguson, Agency for Rural Transformation, Grenada W.I