Trust and Initmacy Must Be Earned
Something I have learned in life is that people who have no boundaries are constantly furious. Furious, victimized, hurt, offended, and outraged. If you cannot figure out how to uphold the healthy, accurate, and appropriate distance between yourself and every person in your life (and it will be a different distance for every person in your life) then you will never know a moment of serenity.
Not everybody gets to have full access to you.
Trust and intimacy must be earned. (People will help you with this project by constantly showing you who they really are. Create your boundaries accordingly.)
To do anything else is naive and immature. So: Who are you furious at today? Now look closely at your history with them. Find the moment when you allowed that person to come closer to you than they had earned the right to come.
Now figure out how to reestablish (or establish for the first time) a wiser boundary.
When they are held the correct distance from you, you will stop hating them.
Until then, you are just using this person as a weapon to beat yourself up with.
Put an end to it.
Stand in your dignity and set your own terms.
You can do this. Onward - Elizabeth Gilbert
One of my biggest lessons is setting and keeping boundaries, I reckon it plays out when I fall back into the people pleasing affliction that I once had.
I give everyone an opportunity to be themselves. The trick in this discernment, setting boundaries and following your intuition.
There is something that I have learnt- we can love others from a far, and not everyone must have a front row seat in our lives!
I have been replaying a scenario in my head about someone who I believed was a friend asked me to stay completely away from them because they feel uncomfortable in my prescence!
That shit hurt like a ton of bricks!
I have learnt that acceptance means honoring others and their own boundaries.
I have also learnt that the Universe makes no mistakes and speaks to us through others
If I am completely honest with myself I would safely say that the best option is really to have some distance given the history of this relationship.
The messages that we get when we ignore, deny and don't pay attention is hella hard!
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