Get Centered. Get Clear
The truth of the matter is, when we are afraid, we act in fear. When we are angry, we react to the things that anger us. When we are lazy, we simply don't try. When we are self-sabotaging, self-defeating or self-defiant, we blame other people for our lack of progress. We conveniently forget our habitual reactive behaviors that leave things unsaid, tasks incomplete, dreams unfulfilled, goals unmet and people hanging on. Until Today
Random conversation with a long time friend last night. In chatting the talk moved to our ex husbands, they were both best friends as well. Many a double date happened when we were courting!
She told me that the new house my ex just built is a mansion, so modern and spacious and went on to explain its merits.
After she said it I immediately responded that I am happy for him, that it was funny though because he expressed to me that he never wanted to live in that area.
When the conversation ended I realised that I was feeling bummy!
I realised that I had to explore these feelings because,truth be told, I truly believed that I had moved on and was all past these feelings. But clearly there was something bubbling underneath that rose after that chat.
I decided to sit in the feelings, to not dismiss them as I am okay and make some other bull shit excuse about how I was feeling at the time.
As I sat in the feelings I realised the feelings were a call to action, action o overcome the feelings of fear and not enoughness that I carry around with me since then. The ones that I mask but reared its head last night.
The feeling that I am unable to ever be financially stable again.
The feeling that I can recover from anything.
It's all good to appear as if I have it together on the outside, from the outside - the most important thing I have learnt is what is happening on the inside. Because eventually what is happening on the inside will find its way on the outside. This is what has been happening to me. I have been stuck in certain areas and it has manifested itself in some of my actions and responses.
Have I forgiven myself, Have I forgiven others?
Have I felt all the feelings and know this too shall pass?
My cousin said to me "aim to make peace with the situation and do better, get centered and get clear about your intentions"
It was just what I needed to hear at that time
So I have resolved that this is a wake up call to do something different, to take action, to focus and to believe!
There is always something good coming out of every situation, we see it when we are willing to see it.
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