I don't Give Advice
Changing sociological patterns, financial insecurity, the rise of technology and we women all contribute to making a fuckboy what he is today. I say ‘we women’ because we’ve been complicit in the very thing that now ails us. We’ve spent years buying into the narrative of the ‘cool girl’, attempting to be belching boys on the sofa who automatically transform into beauty queens who fuck like porn stars the minute the lights are dimmed, and it’s completely fucked up the idea of male/female gender relations. Salma El-Wardany
Having to spend quite a load of my time with young women, I always have, somewhere in the back of my head, that I am supposed to do the honorable thing, to walk my talk and be an example to the young 'uns that I am around. That also comes to mind even with the adult women that I interact with on the journey. It is a really wonderful accountability check and I would not change it for one minute. With it sometimes comes some pressure- mostly self imposed.
For whatever reason, women ask me for "advice" especially on relationships - confessions on the journey here - why?? why??
do they know I don't even have a male cat around my house much less a fella!
So my disclaimer has been - "yo, I don't give advice, all I can do is share my experience, you take from it what you will"
Truth be told though, I started getting a tad bit concerned about my current situation.
You are now asking "what situation is this?"
The said one where I am unable to give advice because I have no current subject matter and stories to share! (male cat nor fella)
My friends give me advice such as"love yourself more", "go out more", "try new things" " have you considered online dating or tinder" and bless 'em all I know they are coming from a place of love and I truly appreciate their concern.
Disclaimer again - I am by no means saying one night stands and hook ups are wrong if they are between two consenting adults- so let's quickly move that elephant out of this room
I just think that there are consequences, and women bear the brunt of it due to a combination of societal contructs and the nature of how we are made up. All that to say, it ain't for the I!
So here I am in this box, starting to ask myself, what are the lessons here? as I attempt to breal out of it
Being an independent woman has it's advantages, which I will not give up for all the chocolate in the world, I'm saying it would be nice to share the lessons on the journey!
According to Salma "The social pressures of double texting, being the girl with feelings or somehow possessing a need that is other than sexual is so damning that you’ve almost convinced yourself you’re dying alone if you so much as tell a guy you like him. After all, elaborate games must be played, the exact formulaic time must have passed before responding to messages and a casual indifference to intimacy must be employed at all times. We’ve all played those games and it’s the reason we’re now in this sorry situation"
So what's next I ask?
Speak up, Take the Risk. Show up Real and Be Courageous
Someone who is willing to embrace all of that will come along, and if not, well, life goes on and there is always the pet store!