Life Experiences Are Feedback: Part Four When Experiences Challenge Your Old Story

One of the things I am learning from this journey is that life has a way of exposing the stories we didn't even realise we were still carrying through our experiences.

Yesterday's workshop was designed to focus on the challenges faced by women and youth in accessing finance and opportunities. It was a session everyone knew was coming. It was on the agenda. It was one of the reasons we were all gathered together.

When it was time to begin, I stood up, ready to introduce the session.

A gentleman in the room raised his hand.

As the facilitator, opening the floor felt natural, so I invited his question.

What followed was not what I expected.

His question was essentially this: Why are we being biased against men when men need more help than women?

Suddenly, the room came alive.

What began as a question quickly became a heated discussion. Voices became stronger. Opinions became firmer. The conversation shifted into why women receive support while men are struggling.

If I am honest, there was a part of me that was ready to throw hands.

Not literally, of course.

But internally, I could feel myself becoming defensive. I kept having to remind myself:

Stay calm.Listen.Don't become the issue.Don't take it personally.

The truth is, when something matters deeply to us, it is easy to move from facilitating a conversation to defending a position.

And yesterday, life was inviting me to choose differently. I did not at first, I was jumping in with the old story and then...

 I listened. I held the space.

And eventually, I simply reminded everyone that participation was a choice. They were free to engage with the discussion or not. No one was being forced into agreement.

What happened next was fascinating. The women in the room did a remarkable job.

They responded thoughtfully. They shared their experiences. They made their points clearly.

And perhaps most importantly, they continued inviting the men into the conversation rather than pushing them away from it.

It wasn't perfect. It wasn't neat. But it was real.

After lunch, many of the men chose not to return for the afternoon session.

That, too, was feedback. Not about failure. But about how much work still remains.

Changing systems is one thing.Changing beliefs is something else entirely.

Sometimes we assume progress means everyone has arrived at the same understanding.

The reality is that people are often standing in very different places looking at the same issue.

And perhaps the first step is simply being willing to hear one another.

Later that evening, I returned to the hotel. I thought the lessons for the day were finished.

Apparently not. A few messages arrived from some of the NiNa ladies.

There had been a disagreement.Both parties were absolutely convinced they were right.

I could immediately feel an old familiar story beginning to wake up inside me.

The fixer.The mediator.The one who needs to make everything okay.

The one who believes every conflict requires her intervention.

The one who somehow feels responsible for restoring harmony.I started composing the arguments in my head.

The lessons.The explanations. The reminders about healthy conflict versus confrontation.

The wisdom I wanted to share.After all, the disagreement had already escalated to the point where one person had chosen to leave the hostel.

Surely I should step in.Surely I should fix it.Shouldn't I?

Then I paused.

And in that pause, another question emerged.

Is that actually my responsibility?

Or is that an old story?

A story that says leadership means carrying everyone's emotional baggage.

A story that says love means solving other people's problems.

A story that says if people are uncomfortable, I should make that discomfort disappear.

I am not entirely sure I have the answer yet.If I am honest, there is still some doubt there.

Part of me still wonders whether I should have done more.But what I did know was this:

I was not going to solve it last night.Everyone was emotional.

Everyone was tired.And sometimes wisdom is knowing when not to enter the conversation.

Tomorrow is another day.

The conflict will still be there if it needs my attention.

Or perhaps the people involved will discover their own capacity to navigate it.That possibility exists too.

The feedback from life yesterday was uncomfortable but necessary.Not every disagreement is mine to settle.

Not every lesson is mine to teach.Not every outcome is mine to manage.

Perhaps some people need the dignity of working things out for themselves.

And perhaps I need the freedom of letting them.Today, I am sitting with that.

Allowing the experience to challenge the old story.Allowing leadership to look less like rescuing and more like trusting.

Allowing people, including myself, the space to grow.

Life Experience Feedback #4: Growth often begins when life challenges the stories we've carried for years. The question is not whether the story is familiar. The question is whether it is still true.

Peace and Blessings

Akosua